


Rewrite the Stars

by CassandraMulder



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, FitzSimmons - Marvel's Agents of SHIELD, Fix-It, Gen, Romance, post-season five finale spoilers, season five fix-it fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-19 05:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14867396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassandraMulder/pseuds/CassandraMulder
Summary: As Jemma and the team search for Fitz, they face a multitude of challenges they could not have foreseen - the biggest of which may be how to salvage their second chances.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started this three days after the fifth season finale of AoS, and I thought it was going to be a little ditty about Jemma's loss, as well as something to help me process. She then decided she had a much bigger story to tell. After a solid couple of years of not writing anything huge, or even to completion, this story came pouring out of me to help me deal with my own loss and grief of one of my favorite characters ever, and the hope that he could come back again. I've buried myself in this every moment I'm not sleeping or working, and I hope it brings some comfort to other fans who are suffering these events as well. I'm not going to write an essay on the mistreatment of my favorite character, or my favorite couple, but rest assured that I could. I hope I did some justice to fixing what the writers broke so badly, and I'm always interested to hear the thoughts of people who take time out of their busy days to read my stories. It always means a lot to me.
> 
> I want to say a special thank you to two of my absolute best friends. First of all, to Susan, who basically read this as I dashed it off and e-mailed her each chapter. With her help, this didn't exclusively exist in the vacuum of my mind, and she was always encouraging and helpful as I pulled my hair out over the agony of creating something after a long hiatus. Don't judge her too much that it was half laughing, half sympathy.
> 
> To Libbi, who doesn't even watch AoS and wasn't reading along, but understands the nature of my lifelong fangirl emotions, and the grief I have been feeling for Fitz. She was my cheerleader, always checking in on me to make sure I was taking care of myself as I slowly drove myself insane, always asking about my word count, and always encouraging me to carry on. I literally don't think I would have made it through without the two of them, and I am eternally grateful for their friendship.

There were days when it was hard not to crumble. So far she was keeping it together, but it was getting more difficult. Regardless of the circumstances in which she found herself, the weight of the variables were becoming too much to bear. She was terrified this was an equation she couldn't solve, and that was unacceptable, as it was the most important one of her life.

 

The Fitz she was looking for was still her Fitz, but the one who died had been hers, too. The nightmare that had plagued her since the day they met had played out before her in real life this time, and if she took too much time to think about it she couldn't breathe.

 

His lifeless body before her, and her insistence to prep him for burial was a decision that was going to haunt her for the rest of her life. Sometimes she saw it in her sleep, mingled with the memories of their lives together. But she knew if she hadn't done it, and if she never found him again, she would hold that regret forever as well. It wasn't a choice she should have ever had to make, but when it came to caring for him there had been no choice. She had been caring for him nearly half their lives.

 

Jemma had never considered herself weak, but if this was the real end of them, she didn't know what she would do. If she truly had to go on with her life without him, it was unfathomable because so much of him was intertwined with her. She had never really believed anyone who had said they felt like they lost a part of themselves when someone died, but now she did. Every time she turned for his help, or said his name without thinking, she felt the sharp pang of loss. The phantom feeling of his arms around her while she slept at night, or the call of her name when he wasn't there were only synapses sparking in her brain, playing tricks on her.

 

The days were long and tedious, with most yielding no results. Mack made her sleep, eat, and drink, telling her she couldn't keep searching or be of help to anyone else if she didn't take care of herself first. She knew this, but sometimes it was hard to find an appetite. Sometimes it was hard to remember to stay hydrated when she was following every lead she could find to get to him.

 

She knew Mack felt guilty. She had tried to talk to him, but so far he had shrugged it off. She didn't have the energy to push him, but at the same time she wanted him to know that there was nothing he could have done. Fitz was the victim of a senseless accident; collateral damage in a battle they hadn't known how to win without it. Deep down she knew that it wasn't just that he couldn't save him, but about the events leading up to it. They had never been able to make peace, and she could tell by his concern for her that it was eating him alive inside.

 

She hadn't been anymore innocent in those events than Fitz, and she hoped that they could work up to talking about it sooner rather than later. They both knew better than anyone about waiting for later.

 

* * *

 

They were fighting with multiple issues on the new Zephyr, and trying to monitor how things were going with the Avengers' battle with Thanos. It only made them more anxious, because they weren't technically an agency that was publicly recognized anymore, and they hadn't been called into the fight. As far as anyone knew, they wouldn't be. Coulson had never revealed his status to any of the Avengers after he had come back from the "dead", and the only thing that he had instructed them to do before he left was to stay out of it if they could.

 

It hadn't turned out to be that simple.

 

Early one morning not long after they had started their mission, alarms went off in the Zephyr. Jemma thought something mechanical had gone wrong as they hovered above the earth.

 

She ran to the deck of the ship, and found her teammates frantic. "What is going on?" she asked Davis. He was staring at Piper's seat.

 

"She... she just disappeared, Agent Simmons," he said, seemingly in shock. "She just turned into dust and disappeared."

 

She turned and saw Mack run in, seemingly having heard that last part. "Mack, what do we do? Is everyone else here?"

 

They took a quick head count, and everyone was accounted for - except Piper.

 

"What the hell is this?" Elena said, stricken.

 

"Activate monitors," Daisy ordered, and a dozen holographic screens appeared, showing footage from sources around the world. Chaos. Reports of people disintegrating, their remains turned to nothing.

 

"I'm going to go ahead and guess the Avengers didn't win," Mack said darkly.

 

Jemma sat down heavily in the nearest seat, and rested her elbows on her thighs, head in her hands. This couldn't be happening. They couldn't deal with anything else right now. They had just saved the world from one disaster, and it had exacted a heavy price. How could they take anymore losses?

 

She felt Mack's big hand cover her shoulder. "Jemma?"

 

She took a second. She took a deep breath. She looked up, a fresh sheen of tears in her eyes. "Is it ever going to end?"

 

A lot had already ended, but he knew what she meant. "I don't know. I'm sorry."

 

A flood of emotions threatened to overwhelm her, but, as ever, there wasn't time for that. She decided to pluck anger to the forefront, and hope it would carry her onward.

 

The entire group stood in front of the monitors for at least an hour, trying to gather what they could. Daisy was already accessing information to which the media was not privy, hoping to get a faster grasp of what had happened. She could still hack into Homeland, even if they only existed to Homeland when it was convenient for them.

 

"What are we dealing with?" Mack asked.

 

Daisy sighed. "Too much." She explained the battle for the infinity stones, and a shocking amount had gone down in just a couple of days. They had saved the earth from being shattered, only to see literally half of the universe wiped out.

 

She brought it back around to the tesseract having killed Coulson the first time, something with which they were all familiar. "He has control of everything now. Time, space, minds, souls, reality, power - it all belongs to Thanos."

 

Jemma thought she was going to vomit. The implications of a universal event began to sink in, and she had to get off the deck and back to her room. The world was suddenly spinning, and she managed to stumble back to her bunk before her knees gave way.

 

A few moments later, someone knocked on her small compartment, and she managed to steady her voice long enough to say, "Come in." To her surprise, the face that peeked around her sliding door was Daisy's.

 

Daisy stepped inside, activating the door to close behind her. "You okay?" she asked tentatively.   


 

"Define 'okay'."

 

Daisy sighed and sat down on the bed next to her friend. To say things had been rough would be the understatement of the century, but even after everything, Jemma was still her friend.

 

"What are we going to do, Daisy?" Jemma said miserably.

 

"Well, we're not going to give up, which is what it's kinda starting to sound like you're trying to do."

 

"Not giving up necessarily, but... I'm sorry. I just don't know which way is up anymore."

 

"I don't think any of us do. It seems like just when we have a million things on our plate, the universe goes, have a million more!"

 

Jemma huffed a laugh. "Fitz always thought the universe had it out for us. Maybe he was right all along."

 

"I don't know, but it's certainly starting to look bleak."

 

"Oh, I think the start was quite some time ago," Jemma countered.

 

Daisy stared at the floor for a few seconds before looking back up. “I know you’re dealing with a lot right now.”

 

“I could safely say we all are. I’m not special.”

 

Daisy shook her head. “You lost Fitz, Jemma. I don’t know that there’s anything more special than what you guys had… have.”

 

Jemma blinked back tears again. She felt it was all she ever did these days. “I haven’t really had the chance to tell you with everything going on, but I’m sorry for what happened. Fitz was, too. I just don’t know if in his state of mind… I don’t know if he saw another way, and I couldn’t bear what was happening, so maybe I just lost my mind, too, and it’s no excuse for the things we did. I think he was coming back around, trying to reconcile himself to… when… when...” She had to stop, as she found herself rambling.

 

Daisy put her arm around her. “I know I told Fitz I would never forgive him for what he did, and I would be lying to you if I said I had. But the Fitz we’re going to find is still our Fitz. We can help him before anything bad happens again. He was sick and we didn’t know it, but we know it now. We’re all going to help him.” Her heart really did break for her, as she couldn’t imagine ever being as close to another person as they had been to each other. But she did know the pain of losing someone she loved.

 

Jemma laid her head on Daisy’s shoulder. “What a bloody mess this has all turned out to be.”

 

“You’re telling me. Remember when we were just kids out trying to save the world? Dorky and clueless, and always getting in the way of the grown ups?”

 

“It feels like a million years ago,” Jemma said, wiping away tears. “Or at least I feel like I’ve aged a million years in five.”

 

“I know exactly how you feel,” Daisy agreed. She sat back and looked at Jemma, then reached over to the cubby at the head of her bunk and grabbed some tissues. “We need to get it together, Agent Simmons,” she said, handing them over. “We have a lot more to do than we thought.”

 

Jemma accepted her olive branch of sorts, righted her face as best she could with a final sniffle, and together they got up to face yet another possible end of the world.


	2. Chapter 2

Later that evening, Mack checked on Jemma as she worked on her computer at the small table in the kitchen.

 

"How's it going?" he asked, folding himself into the chair across from her.

 

She sighed heavily. "Besides the fact that now I have to figure out who among the people that could help us haven't been blinked out of existence?"

 

"Besides that," he said, deadpan.

 

"Everything is going great."

 

"What a day," he offered.

 

"Each one better than the last," she said, but even she was getting tired of her pessimism. Then again, they could all excuse her if she couldn't choose to remain sunny in the face of her husband's death and a universal genocide. "You know what I would do if I had a time machine?"

 

"Do you really want to mess with that again?"

 

"If I could go back in time and tell SHIELD Academy me not to join SHIELD? I would. I've thought about this a lot. Then Fitz and I would just be in a lab somewhere curing and creating things instead of... this." She spread her hands in front of her, then let them fall to the table.

 

"But would you have been together?"

 

"I think so. Looking back, I think it was inevitable that we were going to be together. We've been together almost half our lives. There was never room for anything else, and I have always been grateful for that, because I have never known anyone like Fitz. I've never loved anyone like I love Fitz. I can't imagine ever loving someone like that again." It wasn't like her to just spill her feelings, but she was so raw inside she no longer cared. Maybe talking about it would make it better or make it worse, but she had to get it out somewhere.

 

"We're going to see to it that you don't have to try."

  
  
She looked at him pointedly. "Sure, if he didn't disintegrate this morning," she said, trying to keep the trembling out of her voice.

 

"You can't think like that," he said. "You have to have -"

 

"Hope," she finished for him. "I know that, but it feels like we're all out of that here. With everything that's happened, it feels like nothing is ever going to be right again. People keep walking on eggshells around me, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Do I keep it together? Do I fall apart? Because I'm afraid if I fall apart I'm never going to be able to put myself together again, and I can't do that. Even after all we've lost, I don't have five minutes to just  _deal_ with it. I cannot afford those minutes right now."

  


"Is there somewhere you need to go? We can put this bird down at any time. Have you checked on your family?"

 

She nodded. "I managed to get in touch with my mum and dad this afternoon, so somehow they're both still here. I kept it brief, told them I was out on a mission, and when they asked about Fitz I told them he was busy. I don't know how to explain to them what happened if I can barely explain it to myself. That's another thing about this life. I can't tell my family anything, and I am always away from them, barely able to stay in touch. They're scared by what happened today, and I can't even be there with them."

  
  
"I know how you feel," Mack said. "I haven't been able to get a hold of my brother yet."

 

"Oh, Mack, I'm so sorry. I hope he's okay, and maybe he's just dealing with things or the lines are jammed." She reached across the table and put her hand on top of his. 

 

"Hopefully that's all it is," he said, not quite making eye contact with her. 

 

"You know you were like the big brother Fitz never had, don't you?"

 

"Don't say that..."

 

"But it's true."

 

"A big brother would have done better by him, Jemma. I... I didn't. I was too harsh, and I didn't even try to help him when I clearly saw him struggling. Who does that?"

 

Jemma shook her head, but pulled her hand away. "I've already had a variation of this conversation with Daisy. Everything was going wrong at once, and that had implications for everyone. You can't keep beating yourself up for what happened. I was right there, and I didn’t see it until it was too late, because he didn’t tell anyone, Mack. I didn’t know the stress was going to push him over the edge, because I didn’t realize there _was_ an edge. I didn't like how it happened either, but in the end he saved us. His mistakes changed the loop and allowed it to break. They allowed Daisy to save the world, not allow someone to shatter it. The methods may have been wrong, but he gave us everything he had, including his life. It's not up to me to say if it was worth it, because I have to live without him. But the Fitz I know, _my_ Fitz, would not want you to live with that guilt. He lived with enough of his own, and he wouldn't want anyone else to bear it. So please forgive yourself, Mack? It's what we'd both want."  
  


 

He gave her a slight smile. "I'll do my best."

 

* * *

  


The last person they knew who had seen Fitz on Earth was Hunter, and it had been a week since Jemma and Daisy had used every source they had to try to track him down. It was anyone's guess why he had gone off the grid, but now it was a matter of whether that was voluntary or involuntary. None of their sources could get a lead on him at all.

 

"Well, now what do we do?" Daisy asked after one last hack into his personnel files yielded nothing.

 

"I don't know, but I feel like I'm about to go into desperation mode," Jemma said. "I don't have any clue where else to start to figure out what kind of ship FItz is on or where it is, and with so many people gone I might not be able to find anyone who has that information."

 

Daisy sighed. "There has got to be a way to figure this out. Would Fitz have left some kind of communication in case anything went wrong?"

 

"I've been through the limited things he had with him, his phone, his computer, all of his email accounts, his documents, and I can't find anything. He never left details because I guess he never thought it would come to this. Frankly, it never occurred to me either that he would leave behind a paradox. If I can find him, I'm glad he did. If not, I've lost him all over again."

 

"I know," Daisy said. "And we can't even get any advice from Coulson or May because I guess they really did throw their phones in the ocean, which was not smart."  


 

"Well, this is what it feels like to be the grownups now, I suppose. We're on our own, so we're just going to have to figure it out." She looked up and caught Daisy looking sad. "We could go back to Tahiti..."  


 

Daisy snapped out of her reverie. "Nope. We're supposed to wait for contact from May. If they're still out there and anything happens, she'll let us know."

 

"If you're sure," Jemma said.

 

"I'm sure," Daisy said and walked away.

 

Jemma knew she wasn't the only one who needed time to grieve these days.

 

* * *

 

They had made several stops in various countries to help with some of the aftermath of what the news was now calling the Reckoning. The reckoning for what, Jemma couldn't say, because she could hardly fathom what an entire universe had done to deserve such pain and chaos at the whims of a madman. Maybe it had been that way for centuries, and maybe it always would be. All Jemma knew was that she was tired of the ways people - human, inhuman, or alien - could come up with to hurt each other.

 

She had dreamed of a life of adventure with her best friend at one time, but that was back when she didn't know it came with so much heartache, destruction, and loss. Everything in her craved peace, and now she feared she had lost her chance of ever achieving that.

 

Everywhere they went she saw parents without children, children without parents, husbands without wives, and wives without their husbands. Desperation, grief, and panic was all that ensued as people tried to reconcile their new existence. She knew what they were going through, because her own loss had been just as sudden.

 

She found Mack and Daisy up late one night when she couldn’t sleep, their heads together in front of a screen, and what seemed like reams of Robin’s drawings spread all around them.

 

“Am I interrupting?” she asked tentatively.

 

Daisy shook her head. “No, of course not. We’re just trying to interpret these in any possible way we can, and as usual it’s not going well.”

 

Jemma sat down opposite them, and sighed deeply. “I was hoping we would never see any of these again.”

 

“You’re not the only one,” Mack chimed in. “No offense to Robin, and I know it’s not her fault, but these things are as clear as mud. Until they’re not, which is the problem.”

 

“A problem with which I am familiar,” Jemma said. She frowned slightly. “What are you even looking for? Aren’t these old?”

 

“Mostly,” Daisy said. “We were just trying to see if there was something we might have missed. You know, in relation to Fitz.”

 

“I see,” Jemma said. She felt she should have offered to help, but she was just too tired to even try to make anything of the cryptic drawings.

 

“Couldn’t sleep again?” Mack asked.

 

“No. I’m exhausted in virtually every way possible, but it’s getting harder and harder most nights. I did have a question, though. For you.”

 

Mack looked at her expectantly.

 

“You told me a few days ago we could set this ship down anywhere. And I… So I was wondering if we might go to England for a bit.”

 

Mack shared a look with Daisy, then glanced back at Jemma. “I don’t see why not.”

 

“Thank you,” she said. “And, no, before you ask, no particular reason. I just feel like I need a little time to think, and home just might be the place to do it. Even if I can’t really see my family or anything, it’s still home.”

 

Mack nodded. “I understand. I’ll tell Davis to set coordinates for...”

 

“Sheffield.”

 

“To Sheffield, then,” he said.


	3. Chapter 3

They had landed in a remote field in the countryside where they were highly unlikely to be seen, even without the cloaking device.

 

The others had wandered away to explore, and try to enjoy the fresh air and what watery sunshine was peeking between the clouds. Jemma sat cross legged in the billowing grass, her face turned to the sky as she took deep breaths of the clean air and felt the warmth on her face. She thought of Fitz out there, cold in a cryo chamber, perhaps alone, if he was out there at all. She let a few tears slide down her face, because as determined as she was being, as hard as she had been working to figure things out, she didn’t know if she could without him. _She_ felt cold and alone, and ached to hold his hand or steal a kiss from him as they worked, always solving whatever problem they faced. She twisted her wedding ring on her finger, something she did constantly as a nervous habit since she had lost him. She didn’t have him to hold onto this time, at least not physically, and it was taking its toll.

 

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this without you,” she said in an almost whisper, even though she knew he couldn’t hear her.

 

“You might not have to much longer,” an accented voice replied, and before she could even open her eyes, she shot straight to her feet.

 

When she opened them, blinking against the sun, a familiar form began to take shape. “HUNTER?” she yelled, launching herself at him.

 

Jemma was squeezing him so hard he couldn’t get a breath out for a moment, but when he finally did, it was typical Hunter. “In the flesh, love.” He pried her arms away and forced her to take a step back, giving her a once over. “Are you all right? A little birdie told me SHIELD tech had been after me hot and heavy. I figured it could only be you after the mess Daisy and Talbot made in Chicago… Or Fitz.”

 

Jemma’s face fell. “I was actually trying to find you because of Fitz.”

 

Hunter wasn’t always the best at emotional cues, but this one fell on him like a rock. “What’s happened, Simmons? Didn’t he get to you in the future? You’re here and not in 2091, so you must have found a way back...”

 

“It’s a long story, Hunter. How much time have you got?”

 

“My schedule’s clear,” he said. “But wait, I’ve brought company.”

 

Jemma looked at him questioningly, but then she saw who had been hanging back as she walked toward them. Tears sprang to her eyes again, but this time of happiness. “Bobbi?”

 

Hunter smiled and stepped out of the way as she approached them.

 

“I never thought I’d ever see either of you again,” Jemma said, as Bobbi hugged her. “Oh, I’m so glad. And I’m so glad you’re both still here and okay.”

 

Bobbi stepped back, still holding onto Jemma’s arms. “I’m glad to see you, too. The others? Fitz?”

 

Jemma swallowed hard. “The others are fine, with a few caveats. Fitz… Fitz is gone. But it’s not exactly what you think, and there may be a way to save him.”

 

* * *

 

Jemma had taken them inside the Zephyr, and made all three of them tea as she began to tell them what had happened. Hers had gone cold long before she had hit all the highlights, but Bobbi and Hunter slowly sipped and listened, only interjecting a question here and there, eager for their friend to get her story out.

 

By the end of it, Bobbi was in tears, and Hunter looked like he might soon follow. “Oh, Jemma,” Bobbi said, squeezing her friend’s hand. “I am so sorry we weren’t there for you. I was in deep cover in Nigeria, and this one,” she said with a glance at Hunter, “was off on his mercenary work. If we had known what was happening...”

 

“I know you would have been here,” Jemma said, wiping at her own tears. “But what matters now is I need information about Fitz being put in the cryo chamber, so I can find him. If he’s left there, he is going to wake up in a future that, other possible catastrophes notwithstanding, won’t need saving, and definitely won’t include any of us having been sent there. We broke the time loop, yet he’s hopefully out there still waiting.”

 

“I may have just the thing, now that I know what it is you’re looking for,” Hunter said, producing a thumb drive. “Our friend, Enoch, left this with me just in case anything went wrong. I’d say it went about as wrong as it could go at the end, short of the earth cracking.”

 

“What’s on it?” Jemma asked, taking it from him.

 

“Supposedly the coordinates to where Fitz is hiding out for the next seventy-four years. But it’s encrypted, it might -”

 

Jemma cut him off, smiling bigger than she had in weeks. “If Bobbi wasn’t sitting right here, I would kiss you right now,” she said, her heart pounding so hard in her chest she thought she might pass out.

 

Bobbi shrugged. “I don’t care,” she said, biting back a laugh.

 

“All right, then,” Jemma said as she leaned over the short distance to Hunter sitting next to her, grabbed his head with both hands, and soundly kissed him on the cheek.

 

Hunter rolled his eyes as she let him go. “Not quite what I was hoping for, but I ‘spose it’ll do,” he said with a sigh.

 

At that moment, they heard the others return to the ship. Mack was the first to see them, as everyone else was chatting on the way back about what they had seen and done while they were out. He came to a dead stop, and Daisy almost smacked into his back. “Hey!” she exclaimed before she peeped around him.  


 

“How did you guys find us?” Mack asked. He, too, had thought he would never see his friends again, and he had to choke back the emotion.

 

“We have our ways,” Hunter said, jumping up to embrace his old friend. Bobbi followed, and Daisy waited her turn to welcome them back.

 

It was then Jemma realized that she, Mack, and Daisy were the only ones who even knew them. Mack made their introductions to Elena and Davis, and she thought about the last time they had all been together. Fitz, May, and Coulson had all been there, and, she thought, they should have been here now.

 

“We’ve been all caught up,” Hunter said, after things calmed down. “It sounds like it’s been a traumatic few months.”

 

“Good old understatement Hunter,” Daisy teased.

 

“They think they might have the answer to finding Fitz,” Jemma said, and held up the thumb drive. She gave it to Daisy. “This could tell us where he is, and how to get there.”

 

“Then what are we waiting for?” Daisy said as she headed to her computer base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I miss Bobbi and Hunter like hell, and I wish they would come back. So I did it myself. ;)


	4. Chapter 4

Jemma tried not to pace anxiously as Daisy set to work. She felt like she should go elsewhere, but she also felt like she should be there the second something was discovered. She was so nervous, her tea was threatening to make a reappearance. This was by far the best shot they had, and if it didn’t pan out…

 

She could not, under any circumstances, think about that right now.

 

Daisy sporadically cursed and took a different tack every few minutes, and Jemma chewed on her thumbnail as she watched her try to decrypt it. After a few agonizing minutes, Bobbi walked up beside her, and put an arm around her shoulder.

 

“Why don’t we go for a little walk around the ship and let her work?” she suggested.

 

Jemma looked at her worriedly.

 

“You’ll let us know the minute you’re done, Daisy?” Bobbi asked.

 

“Absolutely,” she said. “Just give me some room to concentrate, and I’ll have the files in no time.”

 

“Okay,” Jemma acquiesced and turned to walk away with Bobbi.

 

Bobbi kept her arm around her as they walked, trying desperately to calm the nerves she could feel reverberating through Jemma’s small body.

 

“I think I’m going to vomit,” Jemma said.

 

“Please don’t do that,” Bobbi replied gently. “I know this is hard, but let’s just try to keep calm, okay?”

 

“I’ve been trying to keep calm for weeks.”

 

“I know. It can’t have been easy for you.”

 

“It’s not. It’s really not getting any easier,” she said, starting to cry openly.

 

“Is there somewhere we can go where you can sit down?” Bobbi asked, rubbing her shoulder.

 

Jemma nodded, and they headed to her compartment. “I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep crying forever,” she said on a broken sob as she and Bobbi sat down on her bunk together.

 

“Look, Jemma, you know how much Hunter drives me crazy, right?”

 

Jemma nodded.

 

“If he died, I would never stop crying. And this is me we’re talking about.”

 

That only made Jemma cry harder.

 

“There we go,” Bobbi said soothingly, wrapping both arms around her friend. “If you’ve been stiff upper lipping this since it happened, you have to realize that is not healthy. So just get it out, and I’ll be here as long as it takes. You don’t have to be strong for anyone anymore, Jemma. I’ll do that for you, okay?”

 

Jemma nodded into her shoulder, but that was all she could manage through the floods of tears. It was like a storm had broken inside of her, and now she was afraid it was never going to stop. All of the pain, all of the trauma, that she had been holding inside and trying to work through, if not starting with the bottom of the ocean and a distant planet, at least since the Framework, threatened to do her in. They had been released from one prison, only to be taken to others, either of the future or a secret Hydra facility. How had she and Fitz – how had any of them, for that matter – been broken over and over again, and still kept going? How were they expected to? Now that she knew the bitter consequences, she vowed to herself she was never going to let it happen again. If they got out of this alive, there would be time to grieve, and there had to be time to heal. They had experienced too many separations and too much time had been taken from them to ever take it for granted again, and she was going to make sure it never was.

 

When her sobs slowed to little hiccups what felt like hours, but she was sure were only minutes, later, she slowly pulled away from Bobbi’s embrace.

 

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Bobbi said before she could even open her mouth.

 

Jemma grabbed what looked like half the box of tissues and started trying to dry her face and blow her nose. “Not even about your blouse?”

 

“Not even about that,” Bobbi said. “No one has let you cry after all that’s happened, Jemma?”

 

“No one to blame, because I wouldn’t even let myself.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I knew this was what would happen,” Jemma said with a deep sigh. “Because I knew if I let myself go like that, I might never come out of it. Remember what feels like forever ago when I told you I couldn’t imagine my life without him?”

 

Bobbi nodded.

 

“Well, I can’t. And even more so now than back then, when all I had were confused feelings for him. When I finally let go, and when I finally admitted how much he meant to me, I knew the danger of having to lose that someday. But for some reason I thought it would be when we were old and gray, even factoring in what we do. How stupid was that? After all we’ve been through, just naively hoping that’s the only way it would end.”

 

“That’s not stupid at all. That’s what everybody shoots for, Jemma. That’s the whole point. And you can still get that. You’re going to have a different perspective on it, and Fitz will learn to. You can still have that, and that’s great, but you have got to stop ignoring what you’ve been through and feel it. You’re no good to yourself or him if you don’t. You’ve lived part of a life, however small, that he was there for but doesn’t even know about. And that’s going to suck for both of you. So you have to grieve for that intense experience he wasn’t there for, but somehow was, and he is going to have to let you. Which I know he will after he understands what’s happened. But at the same time, you get a chance to cheat death. Real, actual death. Not separation or near death, but you get to get him back in a way most people never can. Just promise me that you won’t bottle all this up, because I would like to see _you_ live to enjoy it, okay?”

 

Jemma nodded firmly. “Okay.”

 

“Guuuuuuys!” They heard Daisy bellow through the intercom system. “It looks like we have a winner!”

 

They stood up, held hands, and ran through the corridors as fast as they could.

  


* * *

  


“What did you find?” Jemma asked as she and Bobbi rushed the deck. The others were quickly joining them.

 

“Coordinates to their final destination, and instructions on how to signal the ship if need be,” Daisy said, still scanning through files.

 

Jemma felt her knees weaken, and Bobbi took her elbow to steady her. “Oh, thank God,” she said on a shaky breath. “This is what we’ve been looking for.”

 

Daisy brought Davis in to go over the files and to see what kind of time the Zephyr could make. It had only been a few months since Fitz had frozen himself and gone into space, but Enoch had alien technology.

 

They had gravitonium.

 

Mack came up beside Jemma. “We really have something?”

 

“It would seem so,” Jemma said.

 

They waited a few minutes while Davis honed his calculations. Those minutes dragged on for her as she stood supported by Mack and Bobbi on either side. This was the most hope she had felt in ages, but she was loathe to let it consume her. Until he was with her again, she was trying not to get her hopes up so high that she couldn’t survive if they failed.

 

Davis finally walked up to them. “Their destination was Jupiter.”

 

Jemma blinked. “Jupiter? It takes six years to get there.”

 

“Not with modern technology, Agent Simmons,” he said. “And certainly not with ours. More specifically, it looks like they’re orbiting along with Europa, one of Jupiter’s moons. Only three hundred and sixty-five million, four hundred and fourteen thousand miles away at the moment.”

 

“Is that all?” Jemma asked with a disbelieving laugh. “He would choose Europa,” she said, looking at all of them around her, the glitter of tears back in her eyes. “And what shall we do once we’re there?”

 

“Enoch left blueprints of his ship, and how to dock in case of emergency. Which, given what we’ve seen lately, is a possibility. Also, we have his frequency, so if somehow they’re not quite there, we shouldn’t miss them on the way. We should be able to reach them in two weeks. Maybe faster if I really stretch her wings.”

 

She feared for a moment she had stopped breathing, and she quietly sat in one of the empty seats. “We know where to find him. I can’t believe it.” They were all looking at her as if she might break or explode, and they didn’t know quite which. “I just want to say thank you. I know we have all gone through so much on so many different fronts in such a short time, and you have all worked so hard to find Fitz and support me along the way. I’ll never be able to say how grateful I am, and I’ll never be able to repay you. But I hope this gives us all a fresh start that can somewhat bring us back from where we’ve been, and that we can be stronger in the family that I know we already are. I just want us all to be happy finally, and to get through all of the awfulness that is happening in the world right now. We are going to need each other for that.” She cleared her throat. “While I’m being horribly sappy, I just want to say that I love all of you, and I’m sorry if I ever gave you any reason to doubt that.”

 

They all walked up one by one, hugging her and offering words of affection. She knew they might still have a few tense times ahead of them, but she basked in the warmth of her chosen family and the new sense of real hope she found blooming in her chest.

 

“All right, all right, let’s save the celebrating for when we’ve really accomplished something,” Hunter declared. “Let’s go get our boy!”

 

There was a mixture of laughter and eye rolls, but the sentiment could not have been more mutual.


	5. Chapter 5

They had gotten plenty of supplies for their trip, plus extra in case it took more time than originally planned. Jemma made sure they had a case of Haig on board, out of her own pocket, because Fitz loved it. Also, they might need to get falling down drunk after what she had to tell him.

 

She was a bundle of nerves for the next two weeks, hoping he was still out there and where they thought he would be. She didn’t know how she was going to explain to him what had happened, particularly without him putting more blame and guilt onto himself. In all of her spare moments she wrote as clear of an account as she could of everything that had ocurred, so that when he was ready, he might read it and have a record of what she had told him. She left his breakdown out, because she wasn’t sure how she was going to handle that yet. It affected the rest of the team, so the aftermath may have to at least be addressed, but she felt that what was important was to let him know she knew he was struggling. She would get him help, but she didn’t want to stress him to that point again. This version of him hadn’t done anything to deserve retribution, and she intended to keep it that way.

 

There were long discussions of how he should be approached to wake him, and so far they couldn’t come to a unanimous decision. Either way, he was going to be extremely disoriented by the events that had brought him mere months into the future instead of decades. Everything that had happened without him was bound to haunt him for the rest of his life if they weren’t as careful as they could be, and they also had to tell him (all over again) that Coulson was dying.

 

Jemma sighed as she stared at the ceiling of her bunk, her laptop balanced on her thighs as she contemplated how so much could have happened in such a short time. It was all such a blur of survival and beating a clock that sometimes even she had a hard time remembering all of it, and she had lived it.

 

That was when she had an idea. Fitz would find out the series of events he had missed in good time. What he really needed to know, the things that were vitally important, she thought she could figure out a way to write those down.

 

She looked at the clock. They were four days out to Europa, and she still had a little work to do.

 

* * *

 

Three nights later, she found it impossible to sleep. She tossed and turned until she thought she would wear a hole in the mattress. Davis had informed all of them that he had honed in on the signal from Enoch’s ship, and every time Jemma thought about the fact that she could be seeing Fitz within the next twelve hours, her stomach churned and tears would burn her eyes.

 

They had finally come up with a plan that might be better to ease Fitz out of his cryo sleep. Enoch, if he was still there, would be asked to turn off the chamber and be the first person Fitz saw, as planned. After a brief explanation, Jemma would take over. There was no easy way, but making her the first person he saw would be the most cautious way to calm any serious shock he might experience.

 

Bobbi and Daisy had stayed up with her drinking tea and talking, and she was grateful for their company. With the absence of Coulson and May, she was glad that Hunter and Bobbi had wanted to come along on the rescue mission. They had left a message on an agreed upon emergency resort in Tahiti for May before they had left Earth, but they had heard nothing back. They no longer knew if that was a good sign or a bad one, but no one was optimistic.

 

“You two can go to bed if you like,” Jemma said, as she smiled gently at her friends. “I don’t have to be attended to constantly.”

 

“We’re nervous, too, Jemma,” Daisy offered. “We’re eager to get him back. Maybe not as eager as you are,” she said with one of her wicked grins.

 

“Now, Daisy...” Jemma started.

 

“But seriously,” Daisy said, cutting her off. “We lost him, too. And despite anything that happened, we want him to be okay. Okay?”

 

Jemma nodded. “I didn’t mean to make this all about me, I just...”

 

“We know,” Bobbi chimed in. “And you haven’t, but we know what you have lost, and what you have to lose here. Not that we talk about it when you’re not around,” she said with a not-so-sly shrug at Daisy. The only reason they did talk about it was because they cared.

 

“I’m sure you would never,” Jemma said, oozing false confidence, but she was touched by their concern.

 

“He’s our friend, and he’s a part of this team, and we can’t wait to see him again,” Daisy assured her. “As awkward as it might be under the circumstances at first, don’t you think we deserve a bit of good news?”

 

“I’d say we’re a bit overdue on that front, so yes,” Jemma agreed.

 

“We’re going to be here to get both of you through it,” Bobbi said.

 

“Thank you,” Jemma said, squeezing both their hands on either side of her. “I’m just ready to see his face again.”

 

* * *

 

Jemma stood on deck behind Davis, and next to Mack and Daisy, as the Zephyr approached the Chronicom vessel. Her nerves had given way to an almost an otherworldly state of calm, which seemed appropriate, considering where they were. In her wildest dreams she never would have thought she would have gotten to see the universe up close, and though it wasn’t the way she would have chosen to get to see it, she had taken enough in that she could hold it close in her memory when they were back on Earth.

 

Davis sent a signal for permission to dock, and when an affirmative was sent, they all looked at each other in anticipation. Mack put his arm around Jemma, and Daisy squeezed her hand for support. Jemma took a deep breath as she heard the airlock connect with the other ship and create a seal.

 

“This is it,” Mack said. “Are you ready?”

 

“I’ve never been so ready for anything in my life,” Jemma replied. “Let’s go see how he is, shall we?” she said, trying to remain positive.

 

Since they had no idea what – or who – they might be facing, Jemma was accompanied by Mack, Daisy, Elena, and Hunter, with Davis and Bobbi hanging back in the Zephyr.

 

Mack and Elena led the way to make sure everything was clear, followed by Daisy, with Jemma and Hunter trailing behind. The small entryway of the ship opened out into a large, round deck with a few panels that looked like controls and monitors scattered around the circle.

 

A shadowy figure approached them, and they all went into defense mode, powers and icers at the ready. But when he came into the light, Hunter’s face broke into a grin.

 

“Enoch!” he said, stepping forward to clap the other man’s shoulder. “Old buddy, old pal. How are things?”

 

Enoch looked at him solemnly, as he almost always looked at anyone, and scanned the now more relaxed group. “You must be the crew of the Zephyr. Friends of Agent Fitz’s, I presume?”

 

Jemma stepped forward. “Friends, yes, but I am also his wi- I mean, partner,” she said, catching herself, “Jemma Simmons. It’s quite nice to meet you, but I have to go ahead and ask… How did your ship fare in the Reckoning?” She held her breath as she waited for his answer.

 

“It is nice to meet you as well, Jemma Simmons. Agent Fitz talked quite a lot about you, and was very concerned for your safety in the future. As for how we fared, I left Earth with a crew of five, and also Agent Fitz in a cryo chamber. I am down to one crew member, and as to what you’re really asking, Agent Fitz also remains.”

 

Jemma clapped her hand over her mouth to stifle a sob, but quickly tried to regain her composure. “It’s a bit of a tale of how we have gotten to Fitz before he got to us, at least in this timeline...”

 

“I do not mean to interrupt, Agent Simmons,” Enoch said. “But I can only assume if you’re here in this timeline, he managed to accomplish his mission in the future, but with dire consequences.”

 

“That more or less sums it up,” she conceded, impressed by his uncanny perception. “May I…” She took a deep breath. “May I see him?” she asked, barely keeping the tremble out of her voice.

 

“But of course,” Enoch said, leading them to a section of the ship across the deck that held the cryo chamber.

 

As she approached the chamber, the others hung back and quietly proposed their plan to wake Fitz to Enoch. She could hear the soft murmur of voices behind her, but nothing else registered as she approached the box that held her past and the only future that she had left. She tried to suppress the thought that it was too similar to a coffin, which was the last time she had seen him, but this was different in that there was a small window on top. When she drew closer, she could see his face, eyes closed, framed by jagged frost. A small gasp escaped her, and she laid her hand beside his face on the glass. She looked behind her. “It’s really him. He’s here,” she said, looking back at him. “I’m here, Fitz, and I’m never leaving you alone again.”


	6. Chapter 6

Enoch approached the chamber, and looked expectantly at Jemma. "If you're ready."

 

She nodded and stepped back far enough that she would not immediately be seen, and Enoch activated the controls for the chamber. There was a slow hiss as he turned it off, safely acclimating Fitz, though at a faster rate than she had ever seen any tech like that accomplish before. He opened the lid of the chamber, and slowly helped Fitz sit up. Enoch offered him a blanket, which he gratefully took, and wrapped it tightly around himself. He shivered, and he blinked his eyes, adjusting to the light.

 

Jemma had to resist the urge to run up to him. She bit back tears at the sight of him, as she clenched her hands, desperate to touch him. It was really him. He was really here, and her grief and loss made a hard turn into hope and relief that left her feeling dizzy and breathless. She waited as Enoch spoke to Fitz in low tones, and when he finally turned toward her, he spoke up.

 

"There's someone here to see you," he said, motioning her out of the shadows.

 

She walked toward them, and she could see Fitz's eyes widen and his pupils dilate in the dim light.

 

"Jemma?" He frowned, clearly confused. "What - What are you doing here?"

 

"It's a _very_ long story, Fitz, but I am _so_ glad to see you. You have no idea." At least, not yet, she thought. She closed the distance, and wrapped her arms around him between the blanket and his soft, white t-shirt. His arms went around her automatically, and for several moments they just held each other. He was quickly warming, helped by her touch, and she could feel his heartbeat against her chest, his breath against her neck. When she finally pulled back to look at him, the relief to see those amazing blue eyes again was so great that she began to kiss every inch of his face, ending with his lips. At his response, she quickly had to remember where they were and that they had an audience. When she broke the kiss, she laid her cheek against his, relishing the feel of his scruff against her skin.

 

"I love you," she breathed against him. "I love you and I missed you so much."

 

"I love you, too," he said, as his hands slid up and down her back, unknowingly removing some of the tension she had held there for weeks. "You're worrying me a little, Jemma. You have to tell me what's happened."

 

She pulled back to look him in the eye, and gently smiled at him. "We're going to get to all that, I promise, but all you need to know right now is that it is not seventy-four years in the future. It's only been a couple of months for you. And the world's been saved. It's all sorted." Except for the Reckoning; that she would have to explain much later. "We're all back in the present, and everyone's here to see you." At least, almost everyone.

 

Knowing their cue, the others walked up one by one, eager to see him for themselves, but not wanting to overwhelm him too badly all at once.

 

Fitz felt somewhat at a loss, but also relieved that everything was seemingly fine. They all seemed inordinately happy to see him, and Daisy and Mack in particular had the strangest looks behind their teary eyes. He had only been frozen, it wasn't as if he had died or anything, he thought. He tried to shake off the feeling that something wasn't quite right, but considering what they had been through he figured that would take awhile.

 

"I think we should get you home," Jemma finally said to him, looking around at everyone. "Stay with him? Give me a second?" she asked them, and there were no objections as she made her way out of the small gathering, back to Enoch.

 

She knew he was not an emotional being, but she had to say something. "Thank you for watching after him," she said. "You helped him get to the future, and that helped him to help save the world. I could never tell you how grateful I am for getting him back to me."

 

"It has been my honor, Agent Simmons. I hope that whatever has transpired can be overcome so you may be able to go on with the rest of your lives together."

 

She nodded. "Thank you. Please take care."

 

He gave her a small bow, and she headed back to their friends. Now for the difficult part, she thought.

 

* * *

 

They crossed over to the Zephyr, Jemma’s arm firmly around Fitz. He was still a little wobbly from his extended nap, but refused help from anyone else. Mack carried the small case of the only belongings Fitz had brought with him on his voyage, and everyone else talked in low murmurs, grateful for a stroke of luck for once.

 

Fitz was enthusiastically greeted by Bobbi as they boarded the ship, and he smiled and hugged her back, surprised to see her. He remembered Agent Davis, but was even more surprised to see him as he shook his hand. He couldn’t hide his questioning look.

 

“They needed a pilot,” was all Davis supplied.

 

That’s when it dawned on him, and Jemma could see it on his face. “Where are Coulson and May?” he asked.

 

“Believe it or not, they took a bit of a holiday,” Jemma said. It wasn’t a lie when she had yet to get to the truth, but it would have to do.

 

“Tahiti, if you can imagine,” Daisy added.

 

“Right,” Fitz said, but he couldn’t escape the growing feeling that things were further off than he thought they were.

 

Jemma gently massaged his shoulder, and looked him in the eye. “There’s quite a bit to get you caught up on, but I don’t want to overwhelm you all at once. So let me know when you’re ready.”

 

“I think I’m ready now,” he said.

 

“All right, then. Now it is,” she said with a small smile. She didn’t know if it was to steady him or herself.

 

“Let us know if you need anything,” Mack said. “We’ll be right here.”

 

Daisy nodded beside him. “Just let us know.”

 

“Thank you,” Jemma said, and steered Fitz away to the lounge.

 

They had set it up as a refuge because it could be closed off, but it was much larger than Jemma’s compartment. They were going to need time and space, and she didn’t want Fitz to be claustrophobic. It also had a large window along one wall where they could see out into the stars. She thought it might be helpful when the conversation got rough.

 

She turned to him as she pushed the button that allowed the door to slide shut behind her. “Are you hungry? Would you like some tea?” She was trying so hard to remain calm for him when all she wanted to do was collapse in his arms and stay there. That was the last thing he needed, so she vowed to herself to keep it together.

 

“Tea sounds nice,” he said as he sat on the built-in half circle sofa. He still felt weak, and the chill had yet to subside completely. But he relaxed a bit as he watched Jemma go through her familiar routine of brewing tea and getting the tea things together. He could tell she was trying to build up to telling him something major, but he was so lost he wasn’t sure if there would be anything he could do to help her along.

 

She brought the tea things over, set them on the coffee table, and poured them each a cup. She watched as he wrapped his hands around his mug, and as he shivered a bit as the warm liquid hit his system. Her hands began to shake, and she had to put hers down on the table. He followed suit.

 

“I’m sorry, Fitz, may I just…?” She took his hands in hers, then dropped them to cup his face, and finally she kissed him again, this time with all the desperation she had felt in the weeks since she lost him. The kisses she never got to give him while they were trapped in the Lighthouse, the ones she never got to give him before… She felt her tears falling hot on both of their faces, and she pulled back, ashamed she had done what she told herself she wouldn’t do. “I was so scared I’d never see you again,” she said, her voice almost a whisper. She brushed her tears from his face, then her own.

 

“I was, too, which is why I was out here in the first place trying to get to the future,” he said, pulling her closer. He wasn’t sure if anything would ever be close enough again. He had no idea why she would apologize for kissing or touching him, and he had about had enough of the worry. “Are you ready to tell me what happened while I was out here?”

 

Jemma took a shaky breath. “As ready as I’m ever going to be,” she said. “And you promise you’ll stay right here?”

 

“I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“I mean, you can take breaks when you need, of course I don’t expect you to stay in the same place the whole time. Are you hungry? I can...”

 

He kissed her on the lips to stop her rambling. “Not hungry right now.” He was losing patience, but he softened at the fear in her eyes. “But I’ll let you know as soon as I am, okay?”

 

She nodded.

 

“Now, Jemma, you can stop stalling. What do you need to tell me?”


	7. Chapter 7

She took both of his hands in hers, and took a deep breath. She briefly wished she had more time just to be with him before she blew his world apart, but hers had been in shambles for weeks. She figured she might as well head in.

 

"In 2091, you made it to the future..." she started. She took him through what they had been through prior to his arrival, and her enslavement by Kassius. He was silent, save for a few questions and changes of expression at her story. She did her best to explain the time loop, and all the times they had tried and failed to change it. She explained the explosion that had caused the rift in space-time that had created the fear dimension. She admitted as much that she didn't completely understand it herself, and that they had all shared differing views of whether time was fixed or fluid.

 

"We proposed to each other." He looked up suddenly at that, and swallowed hard. She continued. "You when I was deaf because of Kassius, and then I proposed when you rescued us. There was a lot going on, but Coulson arranged for us to get married at the Lighthouse in one of the rifts that was presenting as a beautiful meadow." She then pulled a chain out from under her shirt, which had her ring and his hanging from it. She had taken it off in case he noticed when she first saw him. "These were... are... our rings."

 

He started to get a really sinking feeling.

 

"There's a video of the wedding, but I didn't know how you would feel about watching it, and you don't have to unless you want to or when you're ready. I know this is all so confusing, but even if you're not ready to take that step at this point in time, I just have to say we were so happy. And it was one of the most beautiful days of my life."

 

"It wasn't me, though."

 

"That's what is so frustrating about this, Fitz. It _was_ you. And you're him. You have to understand that. It wasn't like I lived this part of my life with another person, it was _you_. And if the loop hadn't been broken and the world hadn't been saved, maybe it would have created a paradox. Maybe it did anyway, I still don't fully understand it myself. But Robin gave me the postcard that you left with her, and that's when I realized - maybe you were still out there."

 

It couldn't be avoided anymore. He had to ask. "What happened to the me that ended up in the future? Is he out there waiting to pop in on us?" he said, and jerked his head toward the door. He meant it as a joke, but not really. At this point, he was starting to believe any and all of the terrible possibilities.

 

"I was getting to that," she said. "And while you still have to remember that it was still you - my Fitz - who came through to the future, you have to keep in mind with what I'm about to tell you that the outcome won't be the same. The future is not fixed, and neither are your actions, okay?"

 

He nodded.

 

"I know what you've been struggling with ever since you got out of the Framework. Hearing the Doctor in your head," she said. She saw his jaw clench. "And no one can blame you for that. We know the Framework did a number on you, and you hadn't had any time to recover from it before you were isolated in a prison for six months. I know you didn't tell anyone there because you were afraid of what they would do, and you were afraid of yourself. Then you were frozen and sent into space for decades."

 

"How do you know?" he asked.

 

Her heart broke at the tears pooling in his eyes. "You were under an incredible amount of stress. You were working so hard, day and night, to find an answer to stop the world from ending, and we should have... _I_ should have made sure you were taken care of better. But there was so much going on, and we just couldn't see what was happening."

 

She then told him how the only solution to the time rift was the gravitonium, and the only solution to manipulating the gravitonium was to restore Daisy's powers. She explained as gently as she could the psychological break, and what his other self had done to Daisy.

 

"Oh my God," he said, horrified. His greatest fear, that the Doctor would manifest inside of him outside of the Framework, had come true. And he had betrayed the trust of one of his best friends in the process.

 

Jemma could tell he wanted to run, but that would not only be the worst thing he could do right now, she wasn't going to let him do it. "Fitz, look at me," she said.

 

He met her eyes.

 

"The you that did that does not exist yet, because the you that had to make that choice won't have to."

 

"What about other choices, Jemma?"

 

"We know now to get you help, so you won't be going through that. I'm not going to let it happen, Fitz. But you have to believe that and not retreat into doubting yourself and into those dark thoughts. Because you are a good man, and even with what happened, you were still a good man."

 

"Going to take a wild guess that Daisy doesn't feel the same way."  


 

"We've had that talk, and she knows this isn't something you would do under normal circumstances. She also knows it's preventable now."  


 

"Even so, I... How am I supposed to live knowing I'm capable of that?"

 

"I can't tell you how to feel about it, all I can do is try to help you through it. I just want you to fully understand without that extreme circumstance you really showed no other signs, and we have access to therapies for these traumas.

 

But you also need to know, before we go any further, that this is our second chance. Maybe our millionth chance, I can't keep up anymore. Because when the loop was broken, it was broken by Daisy defeating Talbot, who had been taken over by the gravitonium - I will get to that later - and by you sacrificing yourself to save Polly and her mother. Even the you that was broken by the Framework gave his life to save other people. Mack was there with you when it happened, just in case he doesn't feel comfortable broaching it later." Jemma took a deep breath. She knew it was too much at one time, but Fitz was too smart to leave him to wonder. In his head, he would come up with something even worse than the truth.

 

Fitz would have given anything to be with Jemma again, and it sounded like he had. His head was spinning, and he didn't know how he was going to reconcile himself with this other version of himself - the one who had done heroic and terrible things he had never thought he was capable of. He swallowed hard and pressed his fingers to his forehead.

 

"I just... I just need a minute," he said.

 

"Of course." She knew it was so very much to take on, but she willed him to work it through his brilliant mind.

 

"So I'm dead?" The words sounded absolutely ludicrous coming out of his mouth, but he had to verbalize it.

 

"The future you is, which is the one who came to rescue us, and came back to the present with us. I know with the time travel and the loop... it's a lot to take in."

 

"I always hated time travel stories," Fitz said.

 

Jemma let out a strangled laugh at that. "I know. I'm sorry we had to be in one."

 

Fitz squeezed her hand with both of his. "Not as sorry as I am, I'd guess."

 

She moved closer until they were almost forehead to forehead on the curve of the sofa, and she wrapped her arms around him. She didn’t know if she would ever be able to stop doing that now. “I thought I had lost you forever,” she said into the crook of his neck. “I tried to be strong, and it wasn’t working very well. Then I was given the hope of getting you back again, and it’s all I’ve clung to for the last two months, Fitz.” She pulled back to look at him, her arms still around his neck. “No matter what happened from the future until that other you died, as insane as all of that sounds – as all of that _is_ – you are the one I have spent almost half my life with. You are the one I disappeared on in that diner, and you are the one I have beaten each and every one of the odds to get back. Do you understand?”

 

“Yes, Jemma. You just can’t imagine what it must be like to have another you out there, living out your life, making your choices...”

 

“You’re right, I can’t imagine. I had to see him do it. I’m not saying it’s not strange, because it is. I’m not saying it has to be easy for you to pick up where you left off, because it won’t be where I left off with you. It’s like I was living with an alterna-verse Fitz, only to find out he wasn’t really mine. I just don’t want you to think that anything that version of you got to experience was better, or that anything he did under those impossible circumstances would be what you would do now. The whole point of this exercise has been to prove that the future can be rewritten, so while I know it is going to take some time to adjust to what I’ve told you, and what I still need to tell you, I need to know you’re with me in this. Because I cannot be without you again.”

 

“I am, Jemma. You know I am.” He looked into her brown eyes, and he saw all the pain of what had happened without him.

 

“Good. So please, Fitz, no more hiding anything from me, all right? If you’re struggling, tell me. If you need something, tell me. I will do whatever I can to help you, because you’re all that matters. You are my life, my heart, my home,” she said, tears sliding down her face as she repeated what only she knew were her vows. Looking back, she had only thought she meant them that day, and now she knew how much.

 

He wiped her tears away as he felt his own fall, and he knew no matter what, there had never been anything this woman could ask of him that he wouldn’t do. Apparently on top of everything else, they had just overcome death, so who was he to deny her?


	8. Chapter 8

After a brief break where she brought him some soup and finally coaxed him to eat, she had resumed recounting the things he had missed. He was horrified to learn of Elena losing her arms, and the pact they had made when they thought they were invincible. He didn’t say it, but he considered it a miracle that he had been the only one to lose his life in that situation.

 

He grew extremely quiet when she told him that Coulson was dying because of the deal he had made with Ghost Rider; the deal that had allowed him to kill Aida. “He shouldn’t have done that. This is my fault,” he said, looking at the floor. “If I hadn’t created...”

 

Jemma put her hand on his leg. “We can’t go over this again, Fitz. You didn’t know what would happen with Aida. Or the Framework. And if you had, I know you would have prevented all of this, but that’s not how this works. You know that. Coulson made a choice, one that we didn’t know about, and that choice had consequences. Which he also didn’t tell us about until it was far past too late. Maybe after the deal, it always was. But he did not blame you, and I will not let you blame yourself. The only regret he had in regards to you was that he wasn’t going to get to say goodbye. That was it, Fitz. He wanted you to live and he wanted you to be happy, and you have to remember that. It’s why he gave us this ship, which, if I haven’t mentioned it already, was designed by you, and sent us off to find you. His sacrifice was for all of us on this team, because he loved us. Don’t go tainting that by blaming yourself for everything in the world.”

 

He was momentarily shocked that she was so cross with him as he looked up at her, but she had set her jaw in the same fashion she always did when she wasn’t going to let go of something. He knew she couldn’t understand that it wasn’t something he was going to be able to just absolve himself of all at once, but at the same time he could see her reasoning. After all they had been through, and especially everything she had seen and been through without him, they had to find a way to make it going forward.

 

“I’m sorry, Jemma,” he said, and her face softened. “I just…” He rubbed the back of his neck in frustration, and sat back against the cushions. “So many things would be different if not for the things I’ve done.”

 

“Can’t that be said for anyone’s life? For anyone’s actions? No, the past year or so has not gone well for any of us, but how is that any different from the day we joined SHIELD on? It’s not exactly been a day at the beach, these last five years, has it?”

 

He swiped a hand over his face as Jemma curled up beside him, her arm resting on the back of the couch as she turned to face him. “You have a point,” he said, turning his head and squinting one eye at her.

 

His familiar mannerisms made her heart clench, and she gave him a soft smile. She reached the mere inches to rest her hand between his face and the cushion. “Speaking of the beach,” she said, deciding she may as well sprinkle what little good news she had in. “Coulson and May are in Tahiti together because Coulson and May are… together.” She wrinkled her nose as if she were a child talking about her parents.

 

“You’re joking,” he said, raising his head.

 

“Not at all. It was truly a slow burn, but it was happening,” she said. “We dropped them off and haven’t heard from them since, and we don’t know whether that’s a bad thing or a good thing, considering.”

 

“That Coulson’s dying? Yeah, I’d say,” Fitz said.

 

“That’s only part of it, I’m afraid.”

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“Well… We stopped one extinction level event from happening, but it didn’t prevent another partial one.” She walked him through the Avengers’ battle, as she also took him through Talbot’s transformation into Graviton, and how both battles had ended. “It wasn’t until we were looking for you that the Reckoning happened,” she said. “That’s when Piper disappeared, along with half of the universe.”

 

“Bloody hell,” he said on an exhale. “Am I caught up yet, because I don’t think I could possibly deal with anymore tonight.”

 

She ran a hand through his hair, massaging the back of his neck. “I know, but it’s early yet, I’m afraid.”

 

Fitz groaned.

 

“I met our grandson. Well, you did, too, but...”

 

“What?” he said disbelievingly.

 

“You remember Deke I mentioned earlier?”

 

“The slave trader?”

 

“Well, yeah.”

 

“He was our grandson?”

 

“He was.”

 

“Is that all?” It had to be all. One more reveal and he wasn’t sure what was going to happen to his brain.

 

Jemma pretended to think very hard. “I believe that’s all. I wish you could have met him, as he really did turn out to be more than his circumstances. He was quite sweet. You kind of hated him.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Just a little bit, yeah,” she said. “I don’t know what happened to him. If he blinked out of existence from breaking the loop, or from the Reckoning, or if he’s still out there somewhere. He left before everything happened, so no one knows for sure.”

 

Fitz sat up and fully turned to face her. “You realize no one else you told this story would believe you? I’m not sure I do.” He was only teasing, but it was still an immense amount of information to take in in such a short time.

 

“I know. I wouldn’t either. But we were all there. Even you, for a little while.”

 

Fitz chewed on his lower lip as he wound his fingers in and out of hers. “How are you ever going to forgive me for leaving you like that?”

 

“You’re here, so I already have. And if I thought it would help, I would wrap you up in cotton wool and keep you safe forever, because I never want to feel pain like that again. I’ve been away from you before, but never in that way. Never in a way where I wasn’t sure you were out there, safe and alive. Even if I couldn’t be with you, that made everything okay. But this was different. It was like there was a burning hole right in the middle of my chest that never went away. Only the thought that you might still be out there kept it from consuming me, but even then with all that had happened, I could never be sure.” She felt the sting of tears behind her eyes, but she wanted to get out what she wanted to say. She curled into his side, rested her head against his chest tucked under his chin, and wrapped both arms all the way around him. She could hear his heartbeat, and feel the rise and fall of each of his breaths, and she never wanted anything else for the rest of her life. “I love you more than anything, Fitz, and I never want you to doubt that ever again, and I never want you to think you don’t deserve it.”

 

He held her tightly, and stroked her hair, just relieved she could even be in his arms again after the things she had told him. “You may have to bear with me if I have to work on that for a bit, Jemma, but I am never going to take that for granted. I love you more than my own life, but I don’t want to have to prove it again for a very long time.” He felt her hot tears as they bled through the fabric of his shirt, and the gentle shake of her sobbing against him that triggered his own.

 

They held each other as they cried for everything they had been through and lost, but also what they had been able to regain.


	9. Chapter 9

Everyone had given them their space as they tried to sort things out, and they were grateful. They had briefly fallen asleep on the sofa, as the gravity of the day and the exhaustion from their tears had worn them out. When they woke up, they had discovered that everyone else had retired, so they made their way to their bunk. Jemma had switched over to an empty compartment with a double instead of single bed, so they would at least be a little more comfortable. The double was plenty of space as far as she was concerned, because she didn’t want to be far from him at all.

 

“Is this okay?” she asked as she moved around the small room, arranging and rearranging things.

 

“Looks considerably bigger than where I’ve been staying the last couple of months,” he said, but he had a lopsided grin.

 

“Really, Fitz,” she said with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Too soon?”

 

“The rest of our lives would be too soon,” she said, but with affection.

 

“About that...” he started, but that was when he knew he was in trouble.

 

“Ugh, Fitz!” she said and threw one of the bed pillows at him.

 

He deftly caught it and put it back down on the bed. He walked over to her. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

 

She looked up at him through her lashes. “That wasn’t funny."

 

“I know,” he said, putting his hands on her upper arms and stroking gently. “But you know I handle things with really terrible humor sometimes.”

 

“Oh, I know,” she said dryly, but it wasn’t like she could stay upset with him.

 

He leaned over and kissed her softly. “I’ve got this whole new, uncertain future to make you cross with me. I don’t want you to be tonight.”

 

She sighed and rested her forehead against his. “I’m not. Just… Just don’t do that, okay? I know you were just trying to lighten the mood, but it’s all too… raw.”

 

“I know. I’m sorry.”

 

Jemma kissed the corner of his mouth, and tried not to think about how rattled the day had made her. Now that she had him here and she had broken all the bad news to him, she had to think for the first time in months of what they were going to do next. She gave him a forgiving smile and turned to the two small drawers on the wall opposite their bed.

 

“I packed some things for you. Changes of clothes, pajamas, toiletries… The bathroom is only two doors over to the right if you need it.”

 

“Okay,” he said, not sure of what to do next.

 

She laid a fresh white t-shirt out for him, and a pair of soft flannel pajama pants, along with boxers and socks. She knew his feet were always cold, and she couldn’t even imagine now. “Are you okay, if I…?”

 

“Of course, I’ll be fine by myself for a few minutes.”

 

“That’s not what I meant.”

 

“I know, but it’s okay, Jemma. You can’t be with me every second. I’m not going to break.”

 

She bit her bottom lip. She knew it was silly, but she couldn’t help the feeling that had followed her since she lost him that letting him out of her sight had been the whole issue. She also knew they couldn’t live like that – not normal lives, anyway – and she needed to let go of it. “I know that,” she said with what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “I’ll just be a bit.”

 

He smiled back with a nod.

 

She left the room, and he approached the bed where she had set his things. He thought about a hot shower, then decided the task was too daunting. For having slept several months, he suddenly felt very tired. He changed his clothes, and folded the ones he had taken off and laid them neatly on the small inset shelf above their drawers. He wasn’t sure what they did about laundry in space.

 

He rested his elbows on his knees, and covered his face with his hands, still baffled that any of this space business had happened. He tried to quell the creeping sense that he was an impostor in his own life, but it was difficult. In a way, the impostor was actually his future self, and he had already lived and died in a series of events that made it seem like he was an entirely different person. He wanted to be jealous of some of it, and erase other parts, but he couldn’t. He had to reconcile himself with that version somehow, not only for himself, but for Jemma and his friends.

 

Fitz finally took a deep breath and sat up straight, not wanting Jemma to find him in any distress. He had promised not to keep things from her, but this was normal processing. She didn’t need to see it as anything more at the moment and worry. He picked up his phone from among his belongings, and switched it on. This was the phone Enoch had held for him, so it still had the same, smiling Jemma as his background, and thirty-seven messages from his mum. He was ashamed of not thinking of her before, especially after what Jemma had told him, but he was also relieved to see that several of the messages were from the last few weeks. That told him she had made it, but he could only imagine how afraid she was for him. He sent her a brief message just letting her know he was alive and that he loved her, and switched off his phone again. That story could have turned out so differently for her, he thought.

 

When Jemma came back, he briefly excused himself to use the facilities and brush his teeth. It all seemed so mundane in the face of what they had been going through, but he thought maybe that was a good thing. It would be unusual to not have to make a life or death decision for awhile.

 

He found her waiting for him in the bed, pressed against the wall, leaving him room on the outside.

 

“I thought just in case you needed to get up and move around… I don’t know… Well, you’ve been asleep for a long time,” she said.

 

He pulled up the covers and laid down beside her. “This is fine. I’m not claustrophobic.” He pulled her against his chest and she settled beneath his chin. “Not with you here.”

 

Jemma raised her head to kiss him, so elated to have him near, but also suddenly very exhausted at the relief she felt to have found him. After so many weeks of being sleep deprived as she searched for him, she thought she might sleep for days now if he would just hold her. “I love you,” she said, laying her head back down.

 

He kissed the top of her head. “I love you, too. Now get some rest. I’ll still be here in the morning.”

 

She smiled against his shoulder as she held him tighter, and fell into the first real sleep she’d had in what felt like ages.


	10. Chapter 10

Fitz awoke with a start some time later, but he didn't know what time it was. He supposed it almost didn't matter in the darkness of space, but regaining a sense of time, he could tell, was going to be an issue. He looked down, and Jemma was still soundly sleeping, curled up against him. He had been having a nightmare, and he was relieved he hadn't made too much of a start and woken her up.

 

After a few minutes when he couldn’t get back to sleep, he decided he wanted to try to stretch out his cramped muscles. As carefully as he could manage, he slipped out from under Jemma, managing not to wake her. She usually slept much lighter, so he knew she had to be extremely exhausted. He knelt by the bunk and watched her sleep for a few moments in the dim glow of the running lights around the perimeter of the room. He gently ran his fingers through the hair at her scalp and watched her snuggle deeper into the pillow. His heart raced in his chest as he wondered if he would ever get used to loving another person the way he loved her. It had been years, and it still hadn’t happened.

 

He wouldn’t have chosen to put her through anything they had faced, but selfishly he was glad that if one of them had to meet an end, it had been him. He didn’t want her to suffer, but of the two of them he would be the first to admit she was stronger than he would ever be. The things she had survived, had the situation been reversed, he was sure he would have laid down right beside her and died as well. It wasn’t something of which he was proud, but he owned it. He felt the ache of it swell in his chest as he kissed her temple, and rose to take a brief walk around the ship.

 

He felt thirsty, so he made his way to the kitchen, and rifled through the cabinets for a glass. When he turned to fill it from the reverse osmosis system, a large figure caught the corner of his eye. He almost dropped the glass.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” It was Mack.

 

“Oh, no. I was just...” He lifted the glass. “I just needed a drink.”

 

“How about something a little stronger than that?” Mack asked, with a nod toward the tap.

 

Fitz frowned.

 

Mack came around the bar and opened one of the lower cabinets. The entire top shelf was filled with bottles of Haig.

 

“Bloody hell,” Fitz said. “Is someone going on a bender?”

 

That made Mack laugh, and he shook his head. “I think Jemma thought you might need to when she got you back.” His face became solemn. “It was also something you requested at the wedding, and we never could find any where we were hiding out.”

 

“Oh,” Fitz said, realization dawning.

 

“Yeah,” Mack said, taking down two whisky glasses. He poured them both a double, and slid Fitz’s over to him.

 

“Thanks,” he said, raising his glass to Mack. “And thank you for looking after Jemma while I was… well, how about we settle on gone? Dead is weird, because I, personally, was never dead, and I don’t know how -”

 

“Slow down, Turbo,” Mack cut him off. “It’ll make your brain hurt. At least, that’s what this whole thing has done to mine.”

 

Fitz visibly relaxed a little and took a sip of the familiar Scotch. They drank in silence for a moment before Mack sat down on one of the bar stools and motioned for Fitz to join him.

 

“You know as well as I do that Jemma can take care of herself, but you’re welcome. She just needed a little prodding to make sure she was eating and sleeping right is all.” Mack took another sip.

 

“Well, from the way she’s sleeping in there, you’d think it’s been at least days, if not weeks.”

 

“She can now, because she has you. She’s been mostly up at least a couple of days now, in anticipation of seeing you again,” Mack said.

 

Fitz stared down into his glass. “I know, and I couldn’t feel worse.”

 

Mack nudged him with his shoulder. “No one wants you to feel badly, Turbo. You basically launched yourself into space for seven decades to save us.”

 

“And a bang up job I did,” he said, taking another swig. He thought he might back off. He wasn’t a big drinker and he was starting to feel it already.

 

Mack turned to face him. “You did. You saved us.”

 

“He did.”

 

“He was you.”

 

“You’re right, my brain hurts,” Fitz said.

 

“He was the you that I failed,” Mack said. Maybe Fitz couldn’t fully understand, but he had to get that off his chest. “I wasn’t there for you, I didn’t see you needed help, and then I judged you for doing what you were left to your own devices to do. And that wasn’t right. I didn’t get the chance to say it to him, so I’m going to have to ask your forgiveness, Fitz. We didn’t… It didn’t end on good terms, and I’m sorry. I never wanted that, and I swear it won’t ever happen again.”

 

Reconsidering, Fitz took another drink. “I forgive you, Mack, on his behalf, as it were. If it makes you feel any better, it sounds like there was a lot going on, and you had plenty to deal with yourself. You still didn’t pull a device out of one of your best friends against her will.”

 

“Luckily, neither did you.” Mack finished his glass.

 

“Maybe not. But I seem to have inherited rather a lot of the burden of what this other me did.”

 

“It’s going to be strange for awhile, I’m sure. But you’re just going to have to start thinking of it in terms of separation. You’re the Fitz who was always with us; the one we left behind.”

 

“That’s what Jemma said.”

 

“Jemma’s right. This future Fitz was the anomaly, it turns out. We just didn’t know it then.”

 

“So the universe corrected itself by killing him, and keeping me?”

 

“That’s one way to look at it,” Mack said.

 

“You know,” Fitz said, as he drained his glass, “I get the concept of this, but the more I hear it the crazier it sounds.”

 

“Welcome to my world, Turbo,” Mack said, clapping him on the back. “Did you want another?”

 

Fitz shook his head. “There’s not enough Haig in Scotland to come to terms with this in one night.”

 

“I feel that.”

 

“But I did have some ideas for Elena’s arms once we get back to Earth, if you think she’d be up for alterations.”

 

Mack smiled. It might not be the same for awhile yet, but he was glad to have his friend back.

 

Fitz was just grateful to have something he could help with, something that would take his mind off of other things, even for just a little while.


	11. Chapter 11

In the following days, everyone tried to go about business as usual, but seeing as business lately had been finding Fitz, they had to try to figure out where to go from there.

 

Jemma was just happy to have him back, but it was mixed with the pain of him not having the memories from their months apart. It was hard to navigate sometimes what to and what not to say, because for her it was all in reference to their shared experiences, but to him it was not.

 

Fitz also found this hard to adjust to, and he started to feel like everyone was walking on eggshells around him. He tried to be understanding, but at the same time it was a little like being on an island because of this great big, awful adventure his friends and the love of his life had been on, and he had missed all of it. So many things separated them now, and he didn't know if any of them were equipped to bridge the gap.

 

Coulson and May’s absence also left a big hole in the team, one to which they were all having a hard time becoming accustomed. When they needed advice, reassurance, or just a swift kick in the ass to keep them going, they always turned to them. Now those things fell largely on Mack, or each other, and they were all struggling. The fallout from the events that had happened to them, but also the changes that had been brought upon the world, was almost too much to comprehend.

 

Fitz was on his computer in the lounge, still playing catch up, and Jemma was near, flipping through a text on space travel. They weren’t in a huge hurry to get back home, not like they were to get to their original destination, so she was just browsing to see what there was to see.

 

She wasn’t so engrossed as not to notice that Fitz and Daisy had been circling each other for several days, and she had grown quite weary of it. Daisy was friendly to him when they were in proximity to each other, but beyond that it seemed that they were both having a hard time finding solid ground on which to stand. She knew Fitz wasn’t going to be the one to make the first move because he had already told her he didn’t feel it was his place to do so. This left Jemma watching two of her best friends in an emotional standoff.

 

Over the top of the guide she was holding, she could see Daisy eyeing Fitz from the bar by the kitchen. She briefly looked like she was psyching herself up, and then she walked toward them.

 

“Hey, guys, what’s up?” she said, trying to sound casual. She sat down opposite them.

 

Jemma didn’t think she sounded casual at all, and it broke her heart.

 

Fitz shifted on the sofa, re-balancing his laptop, and tried to give her a warm smile. He didn’t know if she still felt threatened by him, and trying not to unintentionally seem threatening was taking a toll.

 

“Just catching up with things,” he said finally, gesturing to his computer.

 

“Yeah, I guess we all kind of are,” Daisy said. She shifted as well as she looked at her hands in her lap.

 

Jemma felt like she would crawl out of her skin at the awkwardness. She leaned forward. “Should I let you two talk?” she asked. She wasn’t sure what she wanted the answer to be at this point.

 

“No,” Daisy said. At Fitz’s alarmed look, she amended, “I mean, yes, but you don’t have to leave. I don’t -” She took a deep breath. “I don’t want things to be weird between us, Fitz, but they’re a little weird.”

 

Fitz cut a look to Jemma and back to Daisy. “Not to make light, but I’d have to say that things are weird between me and pretty much everyone I know right now.” Might as well put it out there, he thought.

 

Jemma reached out to squeeze his hand, and Daisy sighed.

 

“I know,” Daisy said, “and that’s not your fault. It’s not your fault that I am still on edge when I see you, because that was the other you’s fault, and...” She rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. “And I’m sure you’ve been over that a hundred times already. So yeah, what happened to me, that wasn’t you. But I hope you can understand why I was violated by those actions, and the betrayal that I felt from them.”

 

“Of course I can,” Fitz said, though he still couldn’t reconcile that he would do that to anyone, much less a friend. It sickened him every time he thought of it. “I just – I know what happened. I’m not defending that. But regardless of the circumstances, I hope you can believe me when I say that I don’t know how I would ever do that to you. You see my face, and you see me doing it, but I cannot imagine hurting you like that, Daisy. I hope in time you can come to believe I never will again.”

 

All three of them had tears in their eyes, and Daisy’s fell as she jumped up to hug him. He slid the computer quickly out of the way and hugged her back.

 

“I’m glad that you’re alive and safe and still you,” she said, kissed him on the cheek, and pulled back. She knelt in front of the couch. “And I know it’s still going to be weird for a bit, but we’re here to help you, I hope you know that. I don’t ever want to see that kind of fear and pain again, okay? Not for you or for me.”

 

He nodded.

 

“And just remember how lucky you are to have her, too,” she said, nodding at Jemma. “This woman fought space-time, death, and outer space for you.”

 

He looked from Daisy to Jemma. “How could I ever forget?”

 

“Well, I won’t let you,” Daisy teased as she stood up.

 

“Give it a few weeks, and I bet she won’t either,” Fitz joked. That earned him a smack on the arm from Jemma, but he would take it.

 

“Thank you,” Jemma said.

 

Daisy shook her head. “We’re family, and it’s time we started acting like it again.”

 

“Coulson would not have it any other way,” Jemma agreed.

 

Daisy pulled them both off the couch. “I think we can all drink to that,” she said, leading them to the kitchen.

 


	12. Chapter 12

They were a week into their journey back, and Fitz and Jemma filled their days with talking about what they might do back home. Fitz would tinker with whatever he and Mack could find while Hunter told them stories of what he had been up to, and Daisy, Jemma, Bobbi, and Elena had a chance to get to know each other better than they would probably ever have the chance to again.

 

Nights on the Zephyr should have made little difference in the darkness of space, but they seemed to be extra long. In the evenings, everyone would watch a movie or retreat into their own corners for some downtime. Fitz and Jemma had been using their time to watch the universe pass by, or cuddle up in their bunk to watch things they both loved that Jemma had loaded on her laptop.

 

She was a little concerned that all they had done was cuddle and kiss, but she didn’t want to push Fitz on it. He didn’t seem distant, and he didn’t retreat from any of her touches or affection. She figured that he would move forward when he was ready, but it was always at the back of her mind that there might be something else. She tried to push it away as often as she could. Still, the lack of intimacy that she really wanted had started to get to her.

 

It crossed her mind late one night as they were crawling under the covers to make the first move, but she shrugged it off. She kissed him deeply, hoping it would trigger the desired response, but when they broke the kiss, he just pulled her closer as he always did and settled in to sleep.

 

Fitz knew why he was putting things off, and he absolutely hated himself for it. That was just part of a larger struggle to not hate himself for a lot of things, and every time he felt he might have had it sorted, it all came rushing back on him. He wanted Jemma more than anything, and he didn’t want her to think that he didn’t. It was just that every time he thought he had a chance at feeling like himself again instead of a ghost or the echo of someone else, all his progress was erased, usually by his own mind and not the actions of anyone else.

 

Hours later, Fitz startled awake, thrashing and yelling, fresh from a nightmare. This time there was no way to hide it from Jemma, as she was sitting on her knees beside him holding onto his arms as she tried to calm him.

  
“Fitz, it’s all right, you’re okay,” she said, and she swallowed hard. She wasn’t so much surprised by it happening, as shocked that it had taken this long. His blue eyes were bright and frightened as he looked at her in the light of the small lamp she had turned on in her corner of the bunk.

 

“I’m sorry, Jemma,” he said, and he looked like a scared little boy. “Did I – Did I hurt you?” he asked as he took his arms away and wrapped them around himself.

 

“No, Fitz. No, of course not,” she said soothingly. Her heart broke to see him that way, thinking he could ever hurt her. She slowly crept closer, and she could see his left hand was trembling slightly as it always did when he was stressed. She gently ran her fingers through his curls, and his head dropped forward as he rubbed his eyes with both hands.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said again, as he tried to wake up fully.

 

“There now,” she said, massaging the back of his neck. “Did you have a nightmare? That’s nothing to be sorry for.”

 

He took a deep, gulping breath and his face flushed at the thought of having to confess any of it to her. He had promised not to keep secrets from her, though, and he knew they were still days, if not weeks, out from the nearest therapist.

 

“You can tell me, Fitz,” she said, as though she had read his mind. “It’s all right.”

 

He shook his head, unable to look at her. “No,” he said, “it wasn’t all right. I was there, but it wasn’t me, and I was watching from the sidelines of my life, and… and...” He had to stop and take a deep breath. “And the Doctor was there beside the me that was watching, telling me I was weak, and that I didn’t deserve how things were with you, and that all of the things that had gone wrong for all of you, it was on me.”

 

“No, Fitz, no,” she said, as she gathered him close and laid his head against her chest. She could feel him still slightly shaking. “We talked about this, you know that’s not true.”

 

“What if it is? What if it’s all true? What if he’s right?”

 

Jemma sighed deeply, and pulled back, holding him by both shoulders. “First of all, _he_ is not real, Fitz. And even if he was, he could be standing in this bloody room in front of us, and he would still be wrong. Second of all, I know what you’re thinking, and that was just a nightmare. It wasn’t a break, and you’re not going to have one, okay?”

 

Fitz nodded, but he still didn’t look, or feel, so sure.

 

She was willing to take on anything with him, and this was no different. She just wished she could make him see, once and for all, what she did. She ran a hand over his cheek, and those eyes she loved so much looked up at her sheepishly.

 

“I’m sorry I woke you. And scared you,” he said, and turned his head to press a kiss into her palm.

 

She smiled softly at him. “Woke me, you did. Scared me, never,” she said and kissed him quickly on the lips. “If you’re all right for a bit, I’ll make you some tea, how does that sound?”

 

Fitz nodded. “Good.” He had learned from a very early age you never refused tea from Jemma Simmons. It was how she showed her love for you, and he never forgot it.

 

She kissed him again on the cheek and hopped over him to get out of bed. Before she made it to the door, she turned on her heel, and walked over to her drawer.

 

When she walked back over to him, there was a pristine envelope in her hand with his name across the front of it in her familiar scrawl. He looked at her questioningly.

 

“I was having trouble putting things into words, to tell you about things, before we found you. But this, Fitz? This I had no trouble with at all. And I wasn’t sure I would need it, but I can see now that _you_ do.” She handed it to him. “I’ll be out there when you’re done.”

 

He looked from the letter back to her, and nodded.

 

After she had gone, he turned on the light in his corner of the bunk, and slowly slid the pieces of paper out of their envelope. He unfolded them and saw that she had handwritten it in even lines, instead of using her word processor. He took a deep breath and started to read.

 

_Dearest Fitz,_

 

_Right now it’s been eight weeks, three days, and nine hours since the last time I saw you. They have been the longest of my life. Even on Maveth, when I went much longer without you, time didn’t seem to drag on so, because I knew you were still out there, safe._

 

_This time I can’t be certain, even though I may be able to see you again in as little as four days. Nothing is certain anymore, and hasn’t been for quite some time. But I am writing this letter in the hope that against all hope I will be able to get you back, and that this time things will be different. This time, I am more determined than ever to never be separated from you again._

 

_I know that when we find you, and I’ve told you what I need to tell you, it’s going to be a lot to process. I don’t envy you this in the least, as living it has been hard enough to process for me. I have written an account of everything that happened while we were apart in case you need it to help you to work through it, but this letter is different. This is to tell you what you need to know that I may not be able to properly say when I am standing in front of you again, but it’s what needs to be said._

 

_I know that you have been struggling with the Doctor in your mind since being released from the Framework, and since we’ve been apart. I know that you feel responsible for everything that has happened not only to you, but everyone else taken captive by Aida, and those of us who tried to save them. I know that you feel unworthy and undeserving of the forgiveness that you will so desperately want to seek, but seem unable to explicitly ask for. I know you will beat yourself up for everything you did in the present, and the future self I have told you about by now. You will think you are a terrible person, and undeserving of my love._

 

_The good news is that you don’t get to make that decision, and also that I am here to tell you that you are wrong. Nothing that you have done has made me love you any less, and you are not to blame for what was done to you. You were brainwashed by an entity you never could have foreseen getting so out of control, but that darkness was never in you before and it’s not truly in you now. With time and proper healing, you will see what I see, Fitz. The man who invented our icers so we wouldn’t have to kill, the man who could not only not imagine doing any of the things you think you have done in a virtual reality, but who was horrified by what he had been pushed to do under a psychological break. The man that did those things was still the man I love. That man is you. That man is kind, generous, selfless, and underestimates himself and his worthiness to the point that he thinks he can be capable of all those things; that they are buried inside him because he had a father who told him so when he was just a boy._

 

_Don’t tell yourself those lies, and do not fall for them, because I won’t let you. You are a wonderful, loving, **good** man, who has saved people and the world countless times, who builds things to make our lives better and easier with the brilliance of your mind and the kindness of your heart, and who has a team, who have become a family, that loves you for all this and more. They believe in you, and I believe in you in ways they could never dream._

 

_You have been a part of me since we were sixteen years old, and there aren’t many people in the world who get to experience that. It’s a bond that is inexplicable to those on the outside, and unbreakable to those within it. What that means is I am not going anywhere. Ever. Even if you struggle, which I know you will still have times ahead of you when you do. Even if you think you have a clever plan to push me away, don’t waste your time, because it won’t work. You are worthy of my love, you are deserving, and I need you to know that every moment of our lives. If I didn’t make it undeniably clear at any point before this one, I will spend the rest of my life making sure you know how much you are loved and how I am the luckiest one to have **your** love._

 

_With every moment that brings you closer to me again, I anticipate being able to wrap my arms around you and never let go. No more doubts, and no more fear, Fitz. Not after all this. We deserve happiness more than ever._

 

_All my love,  
_ _Jemma_

 

Hot tears ran down his face as he set the letter aside; tears of shame and regret that he would have ever made her feel like she had to all but beg him to see her love for him, or that she could even think he would leave her of his own free will.

 

He dried his face as best he could, and went to find her.

 

Jemma waited in the lounge, standing in front of the window, two steaming cups of tea set out on the coffee table. She heard Fitz walk up behind her before she felt him put his arms around her and he buried his face in her hair.

 

"I am so, so, so sorry," he said into her neck. He didn't know if he could bear to look at her, and he didn't know if he could say those words enough to ever make it up to her.

 

She covered his arms with hers and pulled him tighter, if that was possible. "I don't want anymore apologies, Fitz. I just want to start over and have a real life. With you." She turned in his arms to face him, and she could see he had been crying. She cupped his face with both hands. "Don't you think we've had enough adventures? At least of the life-altering kind?"

 

"For now, yeah, I think we have," he said. “But I have to say sorry one more time, for any time you may have thought I doubted you, because I never have, Jemma. I never will.”

 

She shook her head.

 

“No, you need to know this. Any doubts I have ever had have been on me, not you. You are stronger than I will ever be, we both know you’re smarter, even though I never admit it...” That made Jemma laugh. “And you are full of love and generosity that I can only aspire to, and any time I have ever said you’re perfect to me, that’s what I meant, even though I’m sure you’ve a fault somewhere. Has to be, I just haven’t really found it yet.” He grinned at her, maybe his first real smile since he had been found.

 

“Honestly, Fitz.”

 

“Which is what I’m trying to be here.” He took her hands in his, reminding him of a time not so long ago that might as well have been a lifetime ago, when they had made a choice to be together. “You know, I realized something. The universe can’t stop us, because we have crossed galaxies, we have traveled through time, we have survived the bottom of the Atlantic – even death itself – just so we could be together. Now a love like that, that’s stronger than _any_ curse. You and I, we are unstoppable together. I -” he paused and took a breath, as he was almost overcome with emotion. “I don’t want to live another day without you. So, Jemma Simmons, will you marry me?”

 

Jemma was crying so hard she could barely speak, but she nodded and finally managed, “Yes! Yes, of course, Fitz.” She kissed him hard, pouring all her love and devotion into it, her tears mingling with his. She didn’t know what she had done to deserve so many chances with this man that she loved, but she knew she was going to take every last bit of advantage of this one. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him until her sobs subsided.

 

As he held onto her and watched the stars pass by in front of him, he knew he was the luckiest man on any planet, and he hoped she was through crying anything but happy tears because of him for a long time.

 

Finis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end... or is it? I sincerely hope not, because hiatus is long and my heart is still broken. Getting this vision for their story out of my head, and subsequently into the world, has helped tremendously. As far as I'm concerned, the science babies deserve all the peace and happiness and love they can stand after every terrible thing they've been through. There are still questions to be answered from this one, I realize, and I hope the muse allows me to give you those. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone has read, and will read, this story, and has taken time to leave feedback or kudos. It always means a lot to me when people come along for the ride. Without you, I'm just sending words out into the void, and stories are for telling other people. Thank you for letting me tell you mine. :)


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